disturbing as much as it is revolting the fuck out of me. sometimes i wonder why im such a stickler for the rules, religion-wise. im tired of waking up and then wishing that i didnt. or walking around with such grief as if someone had just died.
what im sick of most is knowing nobody knows. unfathomable, i feel. too personal (?) is there really such a thing. entirely separate, this other thing i have. a cancer-like growth growing on my faith, and hopes. like as if there's anything left to begin with.
half-alive, and a lost cause.