like i have to erase my entire existence and start over.
because i feel like everything's so unclean, and... tainted.
i woke up with fingernail marks on my palms, and a huge ache in my jaw. seems that i've been clenching too much in my dreams (of which i cannot really remember but it does involve gay men and curly hair, yikes!).
all this smoke is choking me up.
have you heard how it's back to coffee for me and not the ever replacable tea? it's not the same anymore; i'm having so many love affairs it's hard for me to keep up. it may just be too explicit.
my 1st confession to start off this wretched day is that i just don't feel like eating anymore. well well, isnt it a good thing though the BMI (body mass index) says im perfectly healthy. i never thought i had it in me to really dislike myself like this. i won't even hesitate to hate. is it me, i feel like going out is such a chore.
what i would give to even taste it; never would anyone think i'd do such a thing. they always said i never had it in me. maybe the 'it' in me is growing.
oh look, it's elusive saturday everybody (that will predictably turn mundane when clock hits 7).