huda's belated and our 1st proper dinner with her. bet she didn't expect it, hee. we can be such asses but we're sweet.
so many things to say today but it wouldn't come out easy, no. no way, not today. apparently yesterday was just another faithful lie. because i know what is it that was bothering me (no, not the menstruation period). till now the pad is not filled with the dirtyblood.
the stomach is fucking aching.
(serves me right.)
sometimes i cannot stand it that everything changes in such a short period of time. and suddenly, suddenly it's me alone all over again because beloved people are now hooked and have moved on to (yet to be determined) pastures.
i'm selfish and these are fucking selfish thoughts. but i cannot help it, and dont say you know because you don't because we are very different people and you cannot possibly feel whatever it is i'm feeling right now, today, everyday. another run-on. sheesh. my life is filled with fragments and redundancies i tell you.
whatdoiwishfor? good question. on days that are good, i want to know all of you and what, and hows, and whys, but on fuckedup days it gets crazy. my visions are filled with your other halves. my, how quickly i won't be needed one day. these reassurances are very much comforting but i still know. i have been here, then i went away, and now i'm back to the fucking same spot.
like the train tracks are joined and i only go in circles. you need to know that i would never abandon you, but i would gradually leave when i know you're ready.
this falls under the things that i can actually do because the list is actually deleting itself off. clever; doing something about all these is making my head ache.
what a strange day today is, beginning with a call that got rejected. i'm glad that i picked up in the end because it smells of 2ndchances.