there are people that can make you feel so small you'd probably disappear into the crack in the floor. like transparency, just cleaned and see-through. maybe it's not that you feel inferior to them, it's them and their high end ways that make you feel so insignificant you might as well be the smudge on the table. yet, as balanced as the world is not, there are people too that can make you feel like you're walking on cotton wools up in the sky.
there are those people for you to bitch with, to shoot your mouth off like who gives a bleepin' toot. yap and yap and everybody joins in the fun and yet we solve problems together, amidst all that namecalling and bitching.
there are people that make you stand from a distance and just observe them. you dont exactly gel in but you're getting there. time, i feel, is the key and in instances like these, you are accepted only you just prefer to be not as rowdy (although you know you are).
people who can be absolutely rahrahjumparoundlaughoutfuckenloudly crazy with you are the most funnest because you forget yourself in that gleeful kiddish moments. even when you're old like 45 you still can jiggy with them and not feel old. and it's fun because it takes you away from reality and sometimes that's what you need.
how is it that people sometimes cannot fit? no matter how much you try, they repel. like batteries, only with batteries, they already have labels on them so you're informed. positive and positive repel. but opposites, oh that's when it sticks.
sometimes i just feel like being like an adult. with the dark colours and uppity accessories. heels, small bag, super straight back strutting confidently down the stairs. click, clickity, click goes heels. yet i know im going to be sick of them serious tones, because im such a bubblegummy coloured kind of person.
i know, who cares?
thing is, i figured if im gonna be working where im gonna be working and if im gonna be older than i am now, then i have to dress seriously, with them very smart clothes and all. then you begin to be more civil. obviously you cant be crazy while wearing ultra smart ironed down pants and smart starched shirt can you? try jumping in one of those; you'd either split them, or sweat a lot. i feel like i have to be uptight and all proper and shit when i wear them though and that's a very bad factor.
im considering my options, im not changing myself. those are very two different things. i do realise that 'clothes dont maketh a man'. or in my case woman. so them smart-ass clothes dont make me much more adult-ish if i dont act like it. theyre just there to accessorise and enhance my adultness if there is such a thing ha ha ha.
dont ask me why i want to do this. hold up, im not even sure if i am doing this. i just want to try you know. no harm. i just want the satisfaction of knowing i can be adult-ish without actually having to be it everyday. ah dammit, this is so twisted.
still, my mission for the day has been sent out. now im just praying for a callback. this wait is sickening, balls. sometimes a change is not bad now issit?