they made me laugh, my colleagues. they bought me a huge slice of carrot cake and lemon icing, and fries as a bday dinner. and then we took lots of pictures. they just made me laugh, and that is sweet because it was. that was the 'gift'. it worked, and this is one of the reasons why im gonna miss work when im done
he sent me home yesterday night and waited till it struck midnight to sing me a song. so technically i cant complain that i dont meet him for ze anniversary of birth but that'll do. im not choosy. the day will pass and everything will be, well, normal again. happy13thmonth,love.
contrary to whatever belief, age is not an issue for me. im going to be one of those rare women who are not ashamed to disclose their age when i grow old. im going to be the one who say it proudly. and i'll be darned pleased to blow out manymanymany candles on ze cake (if i ever live that long).
turning 20 is no big deal, especially with a face like mine- i cannot even be passed off as a minor. turning 20 without anything in life, turning 20 with things exactly the same as last year, turning 20 and still stuck in a rut, truning 20 with no direction in life, turning 20 without remotely having a purpose in life-that bothers me. what good is getting older if until now i have no idea where i'm going, where im heading, and why im alive. and that ladies and gentlemen is what's been making me sigh, that's making me go 'so bloody what, today's just a day', if you'd ever want to know.
so this is why this is tiring. im talking about life. especially when home is like a tropical forest, and somethingbighappeninginthefamilycompany would mean that they wont have dinner with you. like they would remember.
because when you reach home you will realize what is it that you lack of and what is it that makes your life such a failure, and aimless. and that is not a recipe for happiness. if you must know, im speaking from experience.
who's to say im not going to try, i will. right now i just want to be alone, and away. i could do without the 'may all your dreams/wishes come true' bit because i sure as hell dont believe in that anymore. dreams i mean.
i will see my boos for dinner. and that's fun.
happy birthday dearme. all 20 years of me. chin up, you've an entire day to go.
and hopefully by next year, the lost direction will be found.