[emo trip: weared out, stoning. with a hint of lemon, now stir.]
if i tell myself im not tired i think it'll work. i still have a bunch to do for the carnival for your fleas. serves me right for wanting to enjoy a good friday night.
ready to spring into action. plan is to grab and pay. oh now i sound like some typical singapore housewife whenever there's a sale. one can never run from one's damned roots no?
mom and sis are away. to batam. 3 days of pure shopping. just just now, dear mom called me up and asked me if i would like to have green or pink shoes or both. wow, a question not heard anyday or time when in singapore. i only wish im there, though only a short retreat, cheap shopping do wonders. just flash, pick and pay. weeeeee.
room feels so empty when alone.
they dont make them 20cents rides for us big kids anymore. legs are too long, i insist. the train that goes choo choo blue with red buttons are so freaking tempting. but whoever drives while crossing legs. kids are lucky.
beep beep.
like going back to day one again. reset button's compressed as it is already. one more time and pop goes the weasel. guilt when i stare into your eyes. you're sweet even when you're angry, i can give you that. so i'm sorry not the only one am i? say yes now. okay.
soles hurt. stepping too much. jack purcells tomorow. then it's paint on and wear automatically. mom's not here and am gonna miss her. i am not a mommy's girl, but it just seems different. she didnt leave any moolah so what am i gonna do. beg or steal, hmmmm...
today's gonna be a smashing day, no matter what the outcome may be. excitement, my life must be filled, lest i find the exit captivating again. rainbows on the counter, with lilac on your hand. only me, the one who fascinates will be fascinated.
fast making friends and i like it.
you're weary i know. reassureances dont help, ive tried. many apologies. i assume too much sometimes. bad habit. we're settled then? never ask me that question again. hurts.
i don't care, i don't i don't.
addicted to movies, work's fault. always finding a reason. always being so defensive. observations from a stranger. apt and true. i dont need comments. if i did, i'll bring along a suggestion box wherever i go, gundoo. though you have a point. erm, yes, apparently i still make no sense. stop before i go defending myself again. brain is bonkers. heh.
go get over yourself won't you.
retreat back to cave and be safe from harm from eyes, prowling and ever deceiving. you'll see the replicas. stamps, unpatented, people who dont understand copyright. expressions change yada yada yada. so sue me shall we all. i do what i want, but them replicas again.
too much compassion even for people in my dislike list. i always wonder if he's feeling what im feeling because he has the same 'oh kill me now' look. i want to reach out to him and talk to him and tell him he's not a failure. but i cant. i cant and that makes me feel like a bad person because i cant make my own brother feel better when i should, because i know his situation, i know what he's feeling and i just fucking should. it's hard when we havent really been chummy. to be chummy now would feel misplaced. i wish i can help. but i just cant seem too. okay, this is making me sad.
sisters would've been easier.
ooh well.
go away lump in throat.
bring me the blue choo choo with that red buttons. let's leave.