satisfied my thirst for the feel of the sea. it's been 2 years since i swam in it. not that i can swim, i just stay there stagnant, enjoying the water. you dont exactly enjoy the essence of the water if you're swimming. it doesnt make sense, just effing bear with me.
lots of insight, woman bonding, wondering about the wonders and unwonders of life and the likes of it. it's as if we're in some other warped universe when you're at sentosa. the hustle and bustle of the city as clean as a bathed baby's butt are forgotten. the wasted thoughts of everday life are put aside. all for the love of the salty sea. it's different when you step back onto harbourfront. it's as if you're stepping back into reality. oh, the horror.
i feel free.
am beat though. the weight of the water on you. the saltiness you taste. this tiredness. and emotional torture. oh arent we the forsaken ones.
those times we had, the one we all miss dearly, when do you think we'll feel like that again? im just naturally inquistive so shut up shut up. i know you want me to do less thinking but im not like that. i have too fucking many thoughts for me to just push them aside. giving me a headache.
thomas kemper and his black cherries are really helpful. if anything, they helped me stay awake. starbucks bugis is something i miss and will catch up on one day. too good of a thing to let it go.
dreamt i was a lesbo yesterday, with a hot, to die for girlfriend. alah, you wont believe me. but it was disgusting; that female figment seducing me. why the hell am i having those dreams. urgh.
wore the dress with the ribbons to make me feel good about myself. i am trying so hard. but im still right here. i want more dresses, more tops, more everything to feel more... secure. it's normal. i'd like to think so at least.
it's been a momentful two days spent with different people and yet, it feels the same. im not sure what i mean. feeling insulted aside, after all that, the things we go through, the people, the familiar faces are all worth it.
ending the day curled up with wet face wasnt how i expected it to turn out, tough luck. who the hell am i trying to kid, even i am not sure. i'll just grit it through like i always do. im weak when it comes to you, mr grumpy.