another indie-pendent weekend wasnt as enjoyable as last year's. today was quite a downer. i enjoyed it, yes but it wasnt what i expected. still, i cant wait for more to come, no?
if anything, live performances make me think more than i normally do. watching chacha uncle throw his jelly-like butt around reminds me of the many times i complain of being tired and that my bones aching are all over. he's the oldie among us and he's shaking his butt and making para-para hand gestures like his bones are almost bendable and young. he reminds me of the wound-up energizer bunny.
there's always plenty to look at at a live performance. the audience, the keyboardist, the lead singer, the starless sky blahblahblahyadayada. on troubled days, live music helps me to think through my problems. on normal days, live music makes me think about my life in general.
today for instance, i thought of what i wanted to do, although mostly i was cursing my vagina for surging out too much blood, but that's besides the point.
sometimes you just live by everyday trying out your dream but there's just something that tells you you wont make it and that's the part that makes you falter. it's not fear, im sure. it's the insecurity of not knowing what will happen. i was soooo freaking certain of what i want to be and what im going to do but now, im really not sure. sucky thing is, im not sure why im not sure. all this means that im in a mess, tangled up in stray thoughts and insecurities.
im back to square one, back to life's drawing board. have to come up with blueprints soon, else im going to be stuck in this emptiness for a long long time.