taking a break

the day that we've all been waiting for is here. im not rejoicing just yet. it ain't over for me till everything is properly done. i'll know that time will come when i actually have time to sleep.

it hasnt sink in for me. just now, while waiting for janice and jon at city hall, i finally had the time to think about the events that has happened and is going to happen.

i thought of how on monday, we won't have to think about where to eat and how on tuesday, i dont have to wake up at 6am to go for print journ at 8am, nor do we have to buy lots of junk to eat for scriptwriting lecture. wednesdays is was lecture day, and no matter what, i'll always, always arrive late. later on in the day, scriptwriting will turn into bitchfest session and of course, plenty of sweets to pass around. i name thursday 'the amazing race' day, where we'll all be rushing like mental patients running amok at an asylum to pass our package to the asst editor, and then going through rehearsals and finally, broadcast. friday is siesta day. medlaw tutorial is somehow fun and then online journ, though draggy, is still quite memorable. not forgetting meeting the pantatz, him and souls sistas for lunch, in between breaks or going out of school to eat n chill out. internet cafe is a fav haunt, replacing the atrium where we'll sometimes meet just to catch up on things.

no more 'not knowing what to wear', no more laughing at each other's silly jokes (read: WISP), no more running to print class and writing articles for hype, no more sitting in lecture and talking about movies and desperate housewives, no more watching miss teo do something funny, not going to see everyone's morning face anymore, no more 'chope'-ing for seats in lecture, no more talking about his erect nipples, no more filming and booking out avids and cam equipment from uncerr rashid and uncerr johnny, no more black couch, no more having a 2-mins picnic at the tv studio, no more going to canteen 1 to watch our programme, no more programme even, no more coming to schools on friday, no more working together in a group, no more having bitch sessions, no more rushing to meet deadlines and especially, no more looking at the familiar faces that i have grown to like and be comfortable with for the past three years.

albeit the fact that i'm not sure i will graduate, heh.

this sweet plastic feeling in my mouth won't leave. im feeling as ambivalent as i possibly can. i know duality exists in this world. like now for instance. u want to leave, and yet you dont want to for fear of leaving the things you've built up behind. if you think about it, it's sort of a parallel to living and dying. still this entire shit is scary.

being scared is absolutely normal. i keep telling myself that but im only in partial belief. im just scared that time will build a wall in between friendships like so many walls that i have now with some people from the past. i dont think i know how to handle walls that well. having a conversation and talking is very different. momentums will be lost. and we'll just be another distant memory, the forgottens from the past.

i'll miss the little things the most. *sighs*