im typing this to no one in particular, i swear. shut up and let me ramble.
rufus wainwright sang (in his cover of the beatles's across the universe) that 'nothing's gonna change my world'. and yet we all know the truth. everything changes. someone close to me taught me that quite a while back.
i hate it when things get thrown back to my face. there are some people that i wished i paid more attention to but they never seem to be there.
other people i would like to turn my attention to would be the nyonya selling tissues at bukit batok bus interchange, my next door neighbour (who risked her life to give birth and is now partially blind and limp), nenek limah & yayi surat (they took care of me from 1-4 yrs old. nenek limah has weak legs and walks with a walking stick and yayi surat suffers from alzheimer's. he cant remember his grandchildren BUT he remembers me). i wish i made an impact in someone's life. spending the day with you is super super fun. i digress.
my mind's in a jumbled mess. i think i think too much. that is possible right? fortunately, i dont have a problem with white hair because i dont have any. nenny nenny pooo pooo.
no use saying 'holler if you need help' if you're not gonna holler or you're not gonna help. be the caveman that you (a general you) are and get back in your cave. dont get out till the next meal time and the world would be a smarter place. im telling the truth when i say what i say because if im lying i might as well not say it.
a coward i may be but a liar i am not. i dont intend to illusionise (is there such a word?) you with false hopes and nice words to get you by the day whoever you may be. see, that's the thing. putting the word you appropriately would mean that people wouldnt actually know what i'm saying and sometimes i just need that. i can be talking to myself and you wont know. i start things i cant finish but so do you(?).
ahh.. i dunno anymore.
so much has been said and yet nothing has been done. someone told me not to complain or whine if im not intending to do anything about it because im still alive and instead of just complaining i should do something about it. how long am i just gonna follow what you want just because you have a voice? worst still, i let you have that voice. who's the angel and who's the devil now? it's quite vague and yet everybody knows it.
wow. i can actually say all that in one breathe. boy, im good. note: saying boy does not mean that i have a scandal going on behind your back (now isnt this obvious who im talking to?). saying that entire sentence doesnt mean that im being sarcastic or anything like that. im just teasing you as always. no hard feelings (and as some cliched radio phrases go) stay cool and funky!
i think im gonna puke.
back to rambling; do whatever you want lah. since you dont listen. being hardheaded is a good thing but that can turn its head around and nip you in the butt when you least expect it. do something with your life and not mope about thinking or feeling sad. that's what you told me once, twice, five times i lost count. no, we're not in different situations. you are what you make your situation to be. i woke up and stopped feeling sorry for myself. think think think. you're rejecting your very own advice that you gave me and that's funnily ironic.
i cant sleep. 'you have a flair for writing'. so ive been told.
im dangling on a shoestring and that's all im gonna hold on to, hoping that's enough.
being the pessimistic optimist that i am, that's not. i always want more.
and that's not such a good thing.